Knowledge

Ok, I have learned many things in the last week and it is only now that I have had time to write some of them down. Here goes.

• I can curl 12 pounds!
• I can limit myself to one Halloween chocolate bar.
• I need to admit that I can't go anywhere career-wise without finding a way to work with the political forces. In other words, I must embrace the grift if I want to make a difference in the world.
• I automatically refute everything said by people I don't like, either silently or out loud. Sometimes I get in trouble for it. I need to look at things from a more positive perspective so I can stop irritating people with my know-it-all-ness
  
• I learned about plain English yesterday. Apparently you can communicate with fewer words than I usually choose. I am now, however, referred to as the "word nerd" and the "grammar geek" by some (one) of my work colleagues. I figure he's just jealous of my big... vocabulary.
  
• I learned that not everyone shares my disdain for certain inappropriately "verb-ized" words, like "source" and "impact". These are words that should never be used as verbs, as in "Please source me some weed," or "How will that impact you?" I will never waver from this stance. They are wrong and I am right, no matter what the Oxford English Dictionary, that paragon of the English language, says. Never.
• Wow, I just learned I could really use a pedicure.
• I learned the definition of medical negligence
• I learned some other stuff about accountability and justice and system thinking that I shall not explicate here for fear of being spoken to sharply.
• I learned that we are not allowed to chew gum outside of our immediate office. Although I am pleased that the prohibition limits the amout of chewing that everyone is subjected to (there is almost nothing more disgusting than hearing someone chew), I'm disappointed that it was not assumed that I am a grown-up who can self-police in this regard.
• I learned that it is possible to get up and out of bed at 5:30 am without coffee (only by absolute necessity, I assure you). I am just now learning the cost of that supreme effort of will.
  

Ok, that's enough for now, before I get myself in trouble. I need to go do homework.

Bugs

This week I have learned that there are about a gajillion things that can make you sick. Yesterday was Bug Day at work, where the illustrious leaders of the glamorous Infection Prevention and Control field stood up and told us about all the things that can kill us. Like listeria and Neisseria ghonnorhoae and Streptococcus pyogenes and Clostridium botulinum and ... well... I could go on for hours (they did). In any case, I left the lecture feeling itchy and crawly and desperate for a bleach shower. During that time, I learned that

• hot food must be kept above 70C (whatever that is) or it will poison you
• cold food must be kept below 4C or it will poison you
• uninspected meat could contain huge, purulent pockets of E. coli infection (I saw the photographic evidence)
• leftovers that have been in your fridge longer than 3 days can kill you
• wieners are a bad idea at any time
• bottled water is no safer than tap water where I live and it puts more crap in the landfill and uses more non-renewable resources to transport it to the suckers who buy it (thanks for the legacy, folks)
• bottled water is more expensive than milk, per cubic metre, but less expensive than scotch
• any number of animal-borne infections can also kill you, not the least of which is the bite from a gaboon viper
• it's actually quite incredible that we ever make it through a day,with all the things out to get us

I'm off to a conference (here in town, unfortunately) for the next three days so I may have more learning to report by the end of the week.

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On a totally different note, my son has had his first run-in with the law today.

Apparently he got caught with a bunch of other boys planning pranks for the new kid in the class. It seems the planned pranks were very mean, and this poor kid was very upset. Jack got busted along with the others and will have to face the principal on Friday - two whole days from now.

When we asked him about it, he claimed that the other boys were making the plans and he just happened to get caught with them (I tend to believe him). He said he is trying to think of a way to apologize to the kid. I did the typical how-would-you-feel thing and he answered appropriately. I asked how he felt about hanging around the mean kids and he said he was starting to hang around with other kids. He may be smarter than I thought. I'm really hoping this is a good lesson and he gets over the follower syndrome in a big hurry. The other kids really are snots, but that's no excuse.

Aimee happened to hear the phone message that the teacher left and was utterly thrilled that her brother was getting in trouble. Her delight at his misfortune was pretty funny actually, but I forced myself to tell her it was none of her business.

He seems absolutely terrified about going to the principal's office, as he should be. It's poetic justice that it won't be for 2 days, though. That wait will likely be punishment enough, so all I did was talk to him about the incident. He swears he will tell the teacher next time if it will keep someone from being hurt (thank you Barbara Colorosso).

Although I really hope I am not one of those parents who has their head in the sand about their child's sociopathic tendencies, I honestly think he probably had very little to do with this. However, I certainly hope he develops a healthy respect for the law out of it. He seems like a kid who will actually be deterred by some "alternative recess" (whatever the hell that is). I think he is still transparent enough for us to be able to see through his stories, and although I've heard a few doozies lately, they have been harmless, and this relatively serious one seems genuine. I just hope that he also develops a little empathy out of the deal.

I guess it says something that we made it through 3+ years of school before having to deal with a principal's office-worth infraction. Hopefully this is not the start of the descent into delinquency.

Thankfully, we also found out tonight that the delinquents are on the other hockey team... helps to limit contact with them. Needless to say, they won't be coming to the next birthday party, nor will he be going to theirs...

We'll see what happens on Friday. Hopefully he doesn't get an ulcer by then. I know I would have... but then I wouldn't have even thought about pulling pranks on another kid. Of course, maybe I was just a big nerd, but hey, nerds don't have many brushes with the law, and besides, I turned out ok... I just hope Jack will. I'm sure we will look back on this and laugh, someday.

Hopefully the poor kid he bullied doesn't go postal on us...

Thanks

I thought it appropriate to write a post about the things that make me feel thankful, but the act of writing most of those things down for eternity makes my superstitious side itchy. So, suffice it to say that I am grateful for many things, not the least of which is that my Gramma turned 90 this week and is the 90 year old I most want to emulate. Happy birthday, Gram, and I'm sorry this wasn't on your actual birthday.

So back to what I've learned lately.

I've learned at work this week that the process for making chemo safely is much more complicated than I thought.

I learned that the president of the United States is George Clooney (according to my son, who earnestly insists it is true... who am I to argue?)

I learned that store brand turkey tastes no different to me than free-range-fresh-butcher-bought-turkey.

I learned the Jonas Brothers might be coming to town this winter (OMG-I-CAN'T-WAIT-THEY-ARE-SO-COOL-I-LOVE-THEM... oh, sorry, lapsed into tweeny-bopper for a sec).

I learned that people generally are not listening when I talk so there is little point in saying anything I want them to notice or remember. It's pretty fascinating, really, how little attention people pay when they are focused on their own agendas, most of which I care nothing about. I might actually write an entire post about how people, my work colleagues, friends and family members included (and no, you don't know who you are because you are clueless) do not hear what I have to say. So, I am planning a scientific experiment involving telling nothing about my personal life unless you ask, knowing you will not hear it anyway. And just so you know? I don't ask how you are unless I actually care about the answer. So if I don't ask, I don't care. And my entire point is that this blog is for my own therapeutic benefit and yay if it also happens to entertain someone else for a bit.

Ok, I had a bad week, and some certain hormones may be getting the best of me so it's probably time to post and go watch a pirated version of Boston Legal (the justification for which I will explain in another post soon).