Thwack

Today I learned what sound a chewed-up, dog-slobbered pseudo-tennis ball launched from a plastic flinging device makes when it hits a small girl right on the head. Couldn't do it again if he tried. Devastated the kid, confused the dog ("Where'd it go?"). Thankfully, it was our own kid and not someone else's. She got over it with the help of a cute puppy fix.

Damn funny, though, if she hadn't wailed for 5 minutes afterward and made all the other dog owners at the dog park think we were beating our child.

I also learned what a workout with a personal trainer is like. Interesting... not much I didn't know but good for the motivation. We'll see if he can make any progress with me. He keeps talking about improving my diet... I think I'll make that his biggest challenge. Make him earn his money. Off to drink scotch now. Mmmmmm...scotch.

Listeria

Today I learned that the symptoms of listeriosis are fever, muscle aches, and gastrointestinal symptoms. In its serious forms, it also causes headache, stiff neck, confusion, loss of balance or convulsions.

I also learned that listeria rhymes with hysteria. I'm swearing off cold cuts for awhile.

White

Just in under the wire...

I just learned that I have one white eyebrow hair.

It's all downhill from here.

Pain

This is to kick off a new series based on the theme of "You learn something new every day". I propose to end each day by sharing my something new with my faithful readers (whatever's left of them, since the blogging drought). Hopefully this modest goal will keep me writing for fun and keep you entertained.

To start, today I learned that my comfortable cycling pace is 21 km/hr. I also learned that it really hurts the ego to get passed at a slightly less comfortable 25 km/hr by a fat shirtless guy. It's just not fair to spend all that time and money to get myself to work in a healthy and environmentally friendly way, only to get passed 2 blocks into my ride home by a guy with a hairy back. No point in trying to pass him again, knowing I'm just going to get caught at the same traffic light 3 blocks ahead... a little awkward blowing past someone only to have to make small talk 10 seconds later until the light changes. It's painful, looking at a chubby man's butt crack for blocks and blocks. Needless to say, I didn't get close enough to draft him, although I'm sure he would have been a fabulous windbreak. Why couldn't I get passed by a firefighter out for a training ride in his bike shorts? Now there's motivation to ride a little faster...

And another thing I learned about riding at 21 km/hour - that's approximately the speed at which elite marathoners run. Yes, it's true - people run long distances as fast as I ride my bike. Even more shamefully, those guys who "racewalk" walk (or should I say "swish"?) far faster than I run. I suppose I should show more respect for a "sport" where the best participants cover 50 km in 2.5 hours, even if it does just look like a bunch of guys hurrying (thanks for that, Trev).

Ok, that's it for today... wait for tomorrow - I'll let you know what I learn.

*************

Funny kid conversation tonight:

Aimee (wailing at the injustices of the world - or the parental demand to bring in the recycling boxes) Nobody loves me!
Me: I love you...
Aimee: No you don't, you're just lying to me! Nobody loves me!
Me: I love you...
Aimee: Blah blah blah, that's all I hear. I can't even hear you lie to me!

... and so on for several minutes...

Can't wait for the hormones to kick in! Just can't wait!

Homeward

So we are on our way home from what was, according to Jack, “The best week of my life”.



I left off Monday evening, when we were relaxing after shopping all day while the Dads took the kids to the WaterPark of America. We chose wisely, weather-wise, because that day was about 35C and 140% humidity. Tuesday, we were up early and hit Valley Fair the second it opened. Immediately, the kids and a Dad went on The Wave, which completely soaked them all to the skin. It was a glorious day. The sun was hot, but there was a bit of wind and plenty of shade when needed. We all did roller coasters and rides until we were green. Then we ate lunch (an expensive, deep-fried affair that was remarkably satisfying) and rode more roller coasters. By 2:00 we were out of steam, so we went back on the Wave and got soaked. It kept us comfortable enough to wander until the clothes were relatively dry, and we left, armed with a $4 Gatorade and soft pretzels to replenish the electrolytes that got rinsed by the giant tidal wave into the primordial soup at the bottom of the ride. (I also worried about the excessive parts-per-million of little boy grime that came off the riders and splashed onto me – I craved a shower and a clean pair of undies until we got to the next hotel)


Anyway, the consensus was that Valley Fair was wonderful, and I admit that the Wave made it all worth it for me – seriously the most fun I ever had at an amusement park - and I'm not a fan of amusement parks. A great day. Hot, no rain, and the park was relatively quiet (although if that was quiet, I’d never go on a Saturday).

After VF we drove to Albertville, a small town on the interstate whose only claim to fame is a very large mall of outlet stores. The moms managed a couple of hours of shopping after a relatively peaceful dinner in Another Chain Restaurant. That was a very productive 2 hours – some excellent bargains, never to be found at home (like Columbia t-shirts for $5 and Hush Puppies flipflops for $8).

Wednesday morning, we gathered up our stuff and loaded the car and headed back as a family for more shopping. Everyone found good bargains, even though we only managed to do half the stores. I expect a 2-3 day girls weekend trip is really the only way to do justice to Albertville.

Once we had all shopped till we dropped, we ate lunch in Yet Another Chain Restaurant, this one with (alas) an arcade and those junky toys they give away with the tickets you earn by playing the games. Eventually, the parents had had their fill of greasy fast food and the kids had spent every quarter they could find, and agonized over which toy to choose with their measly points. We all piled back into the car and got back on the freeway.

Ok, so far, all agree the week has been excellent. Adventure, good behaviour, lots of beer… But as far as I am concerned, the best was yet to come.

We left Minneapolis and headed north to visit friends who live on Rainy Lake. It was lovely. We got there late, about 8:30 pm, after minor delays, a couple of unexpected pee breaks and an uneventful border crossing. We found the house before dark, which was good. We had a nice visit, and got the kids to bed.

First thing in the morning, Jack had Dave out fishing on the lake, practically before anyone else was even awake. They had a few bites but no keepers. After breakfast, we all went back out and lost a few minnows, again without luck, but it was a lovely day. Hot sun, cloudless sky. With no fish for lunch, we went back and roasted hot dogs over the fire, had a little swim in the lake (yes, even me!) and went back out on the boat. This time, the fish were biting. Everyone caught something, and we managed three keepers, which we brought back for supper. Interestingly, Jack didn’t enjoy the cleaning part, but Aimee was fascinated. Jack did help fillet the fish once the guts were gone, though, and had fun cooking them up.


After supper, the kids got a ride on the neighbour’s jet ski which they loved.

Then we had another little boat ride while the sauna heated up, and then we did the sauna. It was wonderful. Heat up, then run and jump into the lake, then do it all again. By 9:00 we were all exhausted, and asleep by 10.
This morning, Jack had his life jacket on and was nagging us from the boat by about 7:00 to hurry and finish our coffee so we could go fishing again. So we went out again, had a few bites, but didn’t manage to land anything exciting. I had a huge one on the line (like a prize-winner, I swear), but it snapped the line ad swam off with my hook. I have sworn vengeance and will be back next year to catch it.

We came back, packed up and were on the road home by noon.

We missed our doggies and out own beds but this has been the best vacation I can ever remember. The kids were excellent, truly, and everyone got a little of what they wanted. The key? Variety, kids that are old enough to self-regulate, and going with another family. Lessons learned. Not bad.

Vacation

We are on vacation in Minneapolis. So far it is not as horrible as the last family vacation we took.

We drove in on Sunday. We planned and booked hotels with another family, which has made he whole thing much more pleasant than I expected.

Yes, I admit it, tourist traps like amusement parks and waterslides are NOT my idea of fun, but to improve my standing in the Mother-of-the-Year race, I agreed to do this for the kids. Because it will make them happy and that is all that counts. Right.

So anyway, we traveled down to Minneapolis in Trevor's exciting new car (which by the way calculates gas mileage, in real time, in litres per 100 km or MPG - and btw gets 42 MPG at 65 mph and 35 MPG at 75 mph, the speed limit). The kids had a DVD player and ipods and Nintendos and books and magazines. They only asked "Are we there yet?" or some variation on the theme a dozen times. I counted. It was a relatively peaceful trip.

So we get here, by the way, on our 12th wedding anniversary, and meet up with our friends, who have two children the same ages and genders as ours. We load the luggage into our hotel rooms and head straight to the 8-year-old-boy's Mecca, LegoLand at the Mall of America. They are positively ecstatic. The girls, not so much.

In any case, we manage to satisfy all parties, and cap the evening with a pleasant anniversary dinner in the Mall, with kids at one table and parents at another. They actually behaved reasonably well. After the adults partook of many beers (purchased at a grocery store on a Sunday, God bless America), the girls both slept in our room and the boys in the other. It worked out very well.

Today, the dads, God bless their hearts, took the kids to the waterpark while the moms went shopping, knowing that waterpark admissions costs would be wasted, and everyone would have a better time in the absence of nagging about nutrition and safety. Everyone was fine and had fun. The moms got some good shopping done and had a lovely lunch complete with an entire bottle of wine.

This evening, the dads got to go out on their own for chicken wings and beer (for which I am paying dearly now) while the moms ordered pizza for the kids, and drank beer for the sake of their own sanity. It has been a lovely evening.

As you can probably tell, the beer is talking and I should really head to bed. So far everyone is having a blast. Tomorrow we are heading to Valley Fair to ride roller coasters and then to Albertville, which is a huge outlet mall near here - looking for bargains. Keep your fingers crossed.

Oh, and sorry for the long blogging drought - I am seriously thinking of renewing my efforts at the blog but have yet to actually do anything about it - I'll keep you posted when I do. Maybe this will kick start me.