Rethinking

I have been thinking lately that I might pick up a shift or two at the hospital again. This is a major deal. When I got my current job, the 8-4 Monday to Friday position, I swore I'd never go back to shifts. For more than a year, every time I passed the hospital I did a little dance and rejoiced aloud that I was not working that night.

I hated the shifts, that was a big part of it. I hated being up all night and stressing myself to sleep enough to function the next night. I hated the switching around, too. But I think at the root of it all was that I was not comfortable in the job. I was never sure if I was doing thing right, or if I was going to kill someone. I was in a constant state of low-grade panic wondering if I was about to come into a room where someone was not breathing when they should be.

Suddenly, though, things have changed. I am comfortable in my current job and I know I am a good oncology nurse. I understand what needs to be done and I have had good feedback from my colleagues. I am more confident in my skills and less intimidated by doctors (Authority? What authority?). Suddenly I feel like an odd 8-hour night would be easy money. I am no longer convinced I am about to kill someone.

I have to confess that I am bored at my day job, too. I have recently given up my clinic assignment for a different role, which looks suspiciously like a managerial one, but ISN'T. Frankly, there is not enough work to keep me busy. I have told the manager this, and provided her with plenty of suggestions for using her resources (me) more wisely, but so far, she's not going for it. I have not mentioned to her that my position is completely redundant and could easily be done by other people who are already employed by the organization.

So I think I'll reapply at my old hospital. I emailed the manager today - she offered a reference. I figure an 8 or 12-hour night shift on a Friday or Saturday maybe once or twice a month. Sleep? Who needs sleep? I'll put the cash into my travel fund. We'll see. I may walk on the ward with the optimism that comes from significant time away from that which I dreaded, and suddenly remember why I never wanted to work in a hospital again. But maybe not. Maybe one shift at a time would be bearable. Good experience. It could be character-building (as if I don't have enough character). I'll keep you posted.